Today a Christian friend of mine asked me a question about atheism, and I was so interested that I wanted to post it here, since I put a lot of thought into my reply!
He asked:
How can someone who is an atheist be afraid of or aware of ghosts but believe that when you die nothing happens? Find that comical I know it’s not at all but hmm maybe I should confront them about it the next time they bring it up in a polite manner
My reply was this:
Well, I don’t know anything about this person, but it’s possible that their fear of ghosts is linked to something else that they are afraid of, like a fear of the dark, or fear of death. Maybe a fear of their grandma coming back to punish them. Perhaps subconsciously they wish that they believed that there is life after death - it’s a comforting thought. They could have a subconscious fear that they might be wrong about their lack of belief. There are many reasons why people believe in the supernatural, and I would venture to say that many people haven’t examined these beliefs to the extent that would be beneficial to them.
Fear is a tricky thing to get a handle on, because most people’s way of dealing with it is to push it back or hide it in their subconscious. Because of this, it’s easy to get other things associated with your fears, and as this happens and more and more things get associated with your original fear, you start creating a web of suppressed fears that play off of each other. A negative effect of this is that you are reinforcing your belief of the issue every time you experience your fear of it.
For example, you could have been afraid of the dark as a child, and after years of repressing and pushing that fear back instead of bringing it out in the open and analyzing it (and what child knows how to do that!), you could have associated all sorts of different things with your fear of the dark…like trees. Yes, I was afraid of trees for a long time. I never knew why trees made me uncomfortable, until one day I was working mentally on my fear of the dark, and I realized that I had always been afraid of the shapes the trees made in the dark.
Being raised with a fear of the supernatural encouraged a lot of other fears. The reason I was afraid of the dark in the first place was because I believed that there were demons in the dark. And those dark shapes the trees made looked like good hiding places for those demons that I knew were waiting for me!
When I got older and began to question my fundamental belief in god, it was relatively easy for me to come to the conclusion that I did not think there was a god, but it took me much longer to come to the conclusion that I did not believe in the supernatural host. The reinforcing fears of my childhood were very strong. Irrational much? Some people may think so, just as my friend may think of this person he knows. But it takes time to understand yourself, and what you believe. And this may (and should!) change over time.
I think that to really and truly believe in and be afraid of ghosts, one would need to actually believe in the existence of the supernatural. To me, if someone was a “true” atheist, they would not, by definition, believe in such a thing.
Of course, it’s possible that they may not truly understand what the term “atheist” means or what people who call themselves such actually believe. I called myself an atheist for a while when I had a very limited understanding of what that meant. When later I did more research and reading, I had a period of time where I had to think very carefully about continuing to call myself an atheist. I had more of an agnostic viewpoint for a long time, although this was more from the fact that religion was still a very painful subject for me to examine than from an actual belief that the supernatural possibly existed. By that time, religion did not fit into my daily life and I was not thinking about it regularly, so it was easy to just say, “I don’t believe in God” - and I did say that, to many people. Did that mean I was an atheist? No. At the time, I did not know whether or not god existed, and I also didn’t really care either way. I would have been accurately described as an agnostic.
It’s possible that a lot of people who call themselves atheists fit more under the term “agnostic”. Because of the great emphasis on religious beliefs in the world, and the many variations thereof, it is a very sensitive subject, and can make people afraid to delve deeply into theirs and other’s beliefs. What if you discovered something that you didn’t even know you believed? This is necessary though if one is to make a truly self informed decision on what they do actually believe. I think that people need to be more in touch with their thoughts and beliefs and claim them as their own and their own only, instead of lumping themselves into a broader category - although I do understand the need for acceptance and fellowship and know that defining yourself with a pre-existing belief can provide you with that. Sound familiar to what I did when I was calling myself an atheist? We are all people, and more similar than we’d like to admit.
Even now, I only identify as an “atheist” as an easy way to communicate my basic type of belief with other people - I hate labeling and categorizing something as personal and diverse as beliefs. It is rarely helpful and more often negative. To me, being an atheist means that I actively believe that there is no god, no supernatural, no magic, and no life after death. Yes, technically, I am an atheist, because that is the accepted definition (one of them). But your friend may not believe all of this. They may believe some or any one thing about it, and still call themselves as an atheist. Maybe they don’t know what the labels mean. Maybe they don’t believe in god, but they believe there is something more to our bodies than just the physical matter that we are made of. They wouldn’t be an atheist - but what would they be then? What do you call yourself and how do you define yourself if you believe something that no one else you know believes?
If they have a more agnostic viewpoint, maybe they believe there is a possibility of the supernatural…and if you believe there is a possibility of something you find scary, you will still be scared even if you don’t know for sure that it is real or not.
I think it is important for us to realize when we are holding up other’s beliefs to the mirror of our own that everyone is different. It’s such a simple thing, but we really need to work on remembering it. We compare ourselves to everyone else for so many reasons, and while we do that we loose sight of the wonderful differences we have, and the fact that it’s OK to be different. Everyone is changing what they know right now as compared to what they knew yesterday, even if they don’t realize it. Someone who defines themselves as one thing now may change their definition when the time is right for them.
Sometimes when I have a lot going on and I am distracted by my life, when I do get the opportunity to reflect, I am amazed at how much catching up I have to do to update what I think about things based on what has happened to me recently. Of course, my fundamental beliefs that I outlined above have stayed true over the last few years. But I am always going to be open to other ideas, and will take what I can from them to benefit my own life. If my beliefs change over time, I ask that the people I know not judge me negatively for that, just as I am suggesting to my friend now.
One more thing - I think that “confronting”, even when done politely, is a negative thing. If you truly want to understand this person and what they believe, you should absolutely ask them about it from the desire to understand them better. But not to try and prove to them that they are wrong about defining themselves an atheist or for having an irrational fear.
Whew, I hope he didn’t get any more than he bargained for! I did add a few things for this edition, so the original wasn’t quite this long.
I am very passionate on the subject of religion and beliefs, and I want to work on bridging the knowledge gaps that exist between the different beliefs. Let me know your thoughts! I am too amazed at the fact that we human beings can have such complex and diverse beliefs to even start worrying about who is right or wrong….and believe me when I say, you don’t want to get me started on THAT subject…right now anyway!
That’s enough food for thought now; you’ll get sick if I give you too much!
Love, Jasmine
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