February 3rd, 2009
Jasmine & Nathan Still Go To McDonald’s, or: I Really Have Nothing Better To Blog About
So today, after hours of strenuous packing moving things around, Nathan and I were in desperate need of a nice cold drink. Since there are McDonald’s strategically placed every two blocks here in Fort Worth, we naturally followed the subversive yellow and red sign to quench our parched throats.
We were met by a sign that told us that ALL SIZE FOUNTAIN DRINKS ARE ONLY $1! The menu confirmed this.
We proceeded to tell the friendly box that was ductaped together that we would like one medium diet coke and one medium coke.
The box replied that our total would be $3.01.
We were very confused. We politely inquired of the box why we were being asked to pay such an outrageous sum when the signs all pointed to the existence of drinks that only cost one dollar.
It assured us that we were correct, and that the drinks were indeed only a dollar each.
Relieved, we proceeded to the first window, where we were asked for the princely sum of $3.01.
We told the (insert any stereotypical image of a McDonald’s employee that immediately comes to mind) that we would like one of their DOLLAR drinks, please and thank you very much. Stereotypical told us that they only push a button to get us our drinks, and the button says that the drinks cost $1.59. Clearly there was no arguing with this logic. We paid $3.01 and proceeded to the second window.
At the second window we were relieved to see (insert any stereotypical image of a McDonald’s manager). We asked white shirt and tie if they might possibly need to fix their menu, since clearly they no longer offered ALL SIZE FOUNTAIN DRINKS FOR ONLY $1!
White shirt and tie informed us very matter-of-factly that they most assuredly still had the dollar drinks. But that we could only get them in a LARGE. He even very generously offered to upgrade our mediums to LARGES.
We tried to explain that we did not want a LARGE, but this fell on deaf ears. WHY WOULD YOU NOT WANT A LARGE? DOES NOT MAKES SENSE. LARGE SIZE IS THE RELIGION OF AMERICA. DO NOT BE A TRAITOR TO THE LARGE SIZE.
Well, you know what, McDonald’s? We subscribe to the religion of medium. Even if that means we have to have to pay an extra 59 cents sometimes.
We would like to thank McDonald’s for once again bringing humor into our lives, and for putting trace amounts of cocaine onto their fries. We will be back. Even though we really don’t want to.
MMMMMM FRIES.
